There's No Time Like Today
In March 2024, I was diagnosed with Stage 2 breast cancer (breast carcinoma and DCIS), merely a few months after my younger sister was diagnosed with Stage 3.
I had been misdiagnosed when she went for her unilateral mastectomy the previous October, thinking getting checked out couldn't hurt. At the time, the relief allowed me to support my sister through her treatments - horrendous chemotherapy and radiation that followed her op - even though she was oceans away in New Zealand.
The year of my diagnosis did not follow the same treatment plan as my little sister. We did chemotherapy first - this is the worst experience I have ever had in my life, and I cry every time anyone tells me they are starting chemotherapy or are doing chemotherapy. Instead of a mastectomy, I opted for a lumpectomy instead. I still had a life goal: have at least one child. I was 35 at the time. This choice required I also have radiation, which was easier than chemo, but still left a side effect that I can't erase.
Both my sister and I went on hormone treatments from here on after being placed in remission, down to the same brands of medication. However, I received permission to take a break from mine for a year to fall pregnant, and so my partner and I attempted to start a fertility treatment.
Attempted.
We were one month into that treatment when I had my bi-annual oncology check up. Only one month when they found a suspicious lump of cells behind my scar.
That was mid-April 2026.
I'm writing this the end of July 2026. It is not one, but two surgeries later. After my bi-lateral mastectomy and reconstruction required a second excision because another tumour mass was located in the tissue that they removed, and it was really near skin tissue that remained as part of the small reconstruction that remains. We found out after this that a blood vessel had to be removed as well as it had also grown a tumor. It is unfortunate that one of my many doctors told us this in a very unconventional manner, and while I kept my mind preoccupied for five days, my family and friends all thought I had gained leukemia. What a horror hearing your mother-in-law cry for probably the first time in 15 years....
The sunrise view from my ward room
In such a short period, I went from planning a hopeful post-cancer treatment pregnancy to being told that I have not one, not two, but three tumors.
Suffice to say, circumstances tend to change perspective quickly.
I don't regret having a lumpectomy back in 2024, it's what I wanted. I do regret feeling like my life was stuck in a constant "I'm too sick" mode that I didn't do the things I wanted to do. I beat cancer, there's not much more on the list but to do the things I want to do with the people I love doing it with.
Being creative and unique is one of those things. I grew up being creative. Drawing and painting, cooking and baking, singing and making weird and wonderful things. I've even written a novel and a poetry anthology! But I also horded all that creativity.
This experience has reminded me that tomorrow can change just like that. Again, it's reminded me. And I'm listening this time because I can't fear anything more than death. I've beaten cancer twice. Should I fear wanting to do the things I love? Why? That has no benefit to anyone else, and especially not to me.
So, here I am. Sharing my favourite hobby of picking charms and colours, twirling them on sticks in pretty patterns and making something special from it.